Social Engagement - 27th February 2024
The study of how humans interact is a very complex one but a very important one. A great deal of the stress we experience is social stress....stress within families, between people at work, how we imagine other people may be thinking about us and so on.
Also, as babies and young children we start to form unconscious habits of how to engage with others...sometimes these can be successful habits and sometimes less successful. None of this is our fault because the habits are forming before we are old enough to be consciously aware of them. The slides and the reading offer an insight into this complex world but in simple terms you can just consider the following:
the best stress response will often be 'not to become stressed'
if you are with people you enjoy being with and who you respect and trust then this acts as a brake on your nervous system...you don't need to go into fight and flight
so creating good relationships at home and at work is a very important way of protecting your long-term wellbeing because too much stress is not good for us in the long-term
in turn this may mean you working hard to improve relationships that need some attention or it might mean finding effective ways of managing difficult relationships
where relationships cause stress then you can reduce the harmful effects of this with the other tools we are helping you with: improved sleep quality, better nutrition, mindfulness and exercise...these are all self-regulation practices.
the better your co-regulation (the effects of being with other people...laughing, eating together, playing, sharing interests, competing in positive ways, loving etc.) the less you may need to use formal self-regulation tools
for most of us we need both...we need good co-regulation and we need to support that with skilful use of self-regulation
It's a complex area so please email mark@7futures.com if you need any more help on this subject. Alternatively, please find this extra explanation and recommended reading list for your study.
The concept of co-regulation and its connection to the ventral vagal system, as we explained in our session was developed by Stephen Porges in his Polyvagal Theory. His past and ongoing research has hugely influenced the world of therapy and it focuses on the importance of social engagement and emotional connections for our physiological and emotional well-being. The ventral vagal system is part of the parasympathetic nervous system described ion detail by Nathan in the earlier workshop. It plays a crucial role in social behaviour and acting as a buffer or brake to our stress response. Understanding this system and co-regulation will help you maximise the benefits to your physiological and emotional state of stable, close, trusting relationships.
These 10 books offer an excellent introduction to the concepts and blend scientific insight with practical guidance. They are widely respected and often recommended by professionals in psychology, therapy, and related fields for their foundational knowledge and accessible approach to complex subjects.
"The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation" by Stephen W. Porges - This seminal work introduces the Polyvagal Theory, explaining how the vagus nerve impacts our social interactions and stress responses. It may seem a complex place to start depending upon your appetite for such material. If so jump to the 4th book in this list and the person mark referred to when describing the polyvagal ladder slide.
"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk - This book explores how trauma affects the body and mind, and the role of relationships and social support in healing. It is a global best seller on the subject.
"Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller - Provides insights into how attachment styles affect our relationships and offers guidance for developing healthy connections.
"Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices" by Deb Dana - A practical guide for therapists and clients to apply Polyvagal Theory principles through exercises designed to enhance safety and connection.
"Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect" by Matthew D. Lieberman - Explores the neuroscience behind our social nature and how our brains are designed to engage with and understand others. He has a fascinating one hour video on YouTube of a lecture he provided to Google employees.
"The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are" by Daniel J. Siegel - Offers an in-depth look at how relationships and interactions in early life shape brain development and emotional well-being.
"Affect Regulation Theory: A Clinical Model" by Daniel Hill - Discusses the importance of affect regulation, which is closely related to co-regulation, and its impact on mental health.
"Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential--and Endangered" by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz - Examines the critical role of empathy in human development and the societal consequences of its decline.
"Mindful Compassion: How the Science of Compassion Can Help You Understand Your Emotions, Live in the Present, and Connect Deeply with Others" by Paul Gilbert and Choden - Integrates scientific research and traditional practices to explore how compassion and mindfulness can enhance emotional well-being and relationships.
"Attachment in Psychotherapy" by David J. Wallin - Provides a framework for understanding the significance of attachment in therapeutic settings and how therapists can facilitate healing through the therapeutic relationship.
These books cover a range of perspectives, from scientific theories to practical applications, and offer valuable insights into the importance of social connections, empathy, and compassionate relationships for emotional and psychological well-being.
Mark Davies
Mark is the founder of 7Futures and has been consulting in workplace resilience, wellbeing and performance since 2000. He is a resilience coach, an FA coach (working for several years at Leicester City FC) and also a mindfulness teacher. He is the only UK consultant to have completed the USA based MMFT training programme and is supporting the Mindfulness Initiative for the UK Armed Forces. Formerly a CEO of J Rothschild International Assurance with responsibility for their European, Americas and Far Eastern operations, Mark has over 20 years of international financial services experience and a deep understanding of the pressures leaders need to manage. He remains a founding partner in one of the West Midlands most respected nursing care groups which has been providing essential care since 1988.
Nathan Douglas
Nathan is a certified Executive High Performance & Resilience coach. A Double Olympian for Team GB and a sports scientist from one of the worlds leading sports science universities - Loughborough University.
He has lived and breathed high performance during an international career spanning over 22 years at world-class level, showing a wealth of resilience to achieve such longevity. Nathan is twice ranked in the top three in the world and has won two European silver medals in the triple jump. Nathan has been British Champion for a record 8 times. A GB Team Captain, a reward and recognition of his resilience during times of difficulty.
A certified Executive Coach, NLP Practitioner and trained in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy at The Oxford University Mindfulness Centre, he is on a mission to stop people from just functioning and getting by, and to help them flourish and perform at their very best.
Nathan believes in a science led and evidence based holistic approach to high performance and wellbeing. Therefore, looking at the whole person.
If you have any questions please do not hesitate to email mark@7futures.com or jo@7futures.com.
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